Most of the time I have a clear idea of what the conclusion would be like and also how my submission will be directed when ever I give expositions on any topic. This is one of the few occasions when I do not know how I am going to construct even the next line. This topic, of which I am no expert on, be it academically or socially since as I am putting down my thought I am single and still struggling between a rock and a hard place with no degree in counseling and marriage issues. What coursed me to write on this topic would be spelled out in the succession therefore you have to make your conclusion, bear with if any of my points below my seen and sound outlandish at first glance. Since my main source of reference is from the boss Himself i.e. the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Pray the Lord open your eyes to the truths within.
I was engaged in a conversation with a mate who was giving me a eta a eta textual sermon on this verse: Ecclesiastes 12:1a KJV Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not. He told me of what the days of evil meant and how young people should stand and gain grounds in the Lords work especially in their young years and stop using these times to seek after relationships with fellow humans and materials of life, what can I say to agree or disagree with him is another matter which is the reason why I am writing this short easy on the topic, many people have consider marriage and their patterns a the number one stumbling block in the walk of life especially to Christians, the truthfulness about this is we all at one point or another will be faced with the question “Who do you Love more?” and a simple Yes or No will be have to be your answer while both will be correct or wrong subjectively, the absolute answer will require Divine providence.
Reasons why people get marriage are diverse and one will always not have a magic wand answers or incantations which will conjure a fairy tale end to marriage. Why I call it a venture, is that from the little that I have experienced and seen it seems people have succeed from this whiles others have at a miserable loss even to the loss of their lives.
Was there a Divine plan of the institution of marriage since it uses all the faculties of our, begin, to produce a desired or an undesired result, has this institution been living to its divine destiny or are we now seeing the back roads of this institution?
Gods’ Intended Ideal of Marriage.
The word ideal could also mean perfect, what was the perfect will of God for marriages in the world as a whole before the Christian came into existence, some say it was for procreation, this a very wrong way or very faulty way of express the majesty of Gods’ divine intuition which precedes all others by looking at it this way it creates a recipe for mediocrity, but in the words of God himself “Genesis 1:26 26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” God is going to created Adam (Man) in his image, note here that the word Elohiym (God) which denotes a plural meaning tells us that Adam was also created having also a plurality of begins within himself that is both male and female features was one, (not in the sense of sexuality but rather of a the trinity itself been placed in a flesh while the Spirit will become in him a eternal fountain springing up to life, Adams existence was more than just a resemblance but replica of flawless distinction.
Adam was to become the Godhead of all that possession of the Most High (Elyown) which had flesh and all things dwelling on earth, to proclaimed and nurture it to fullness of growth, likewise Adam (man) to command the tress and all non living things to the sound of his voice, first to give God’s creation a name Genesis 2:19b And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. Adam (man) has been given a significant role in the creation process. Still the sixth day was not over, the creation process had not yet ended, and the Lord God (Jehovah) after giving explicit instruction to Adam (man) now look and saw the great chasm that loneliness would have caused him through eternity for after the sixth day, creation would come to it absolute end and procreation will take over.
Woman was to be the last of Gods creation, though she was last; she came directly from the sides of Adam (man) a position which signifies equality and versatility. She became a creative partner, the lessons is gathered for every young man form the words of a wise woman in Proverbs 31 who preserved the original plan for women not as subordinates
- The worth she brings removes lack from her husband.(Provider)
- She was to revive of mans loneliness.(Companion)
- She was formed to bring pleasant gifts.(Beauty)
- Her value is equal to his husband.(equity)
- Compassionate and Loving. (Lover)
- Beauty beholds her inside out. (Attitude)
- Her words removes wrath (Comforter)
- Her counsel is greater Solomon’s wisdom. (Counselor)
- Her works speaks for itself.(Diplomat)
Adams (man) poem tells it us to see not only with out eyes but through the eye deep into the heart:
This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh:
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
And shall cleave unto his wife:
And they shall be one flesh.
By this man was to realize that in marriage family loyalties are changed and priorities are will established, with cleaving both the man and woman have become an inseparable unit. The word leave (azab) brings not along a geographical relocation but also in thoughts i.e the postures of the Mind and affectations of the heart. A man now has to become his own head and decide and care for his family without direct external pressures. Before the wedding ceremony God had already provided Adam with a “Theological anthropology for ancient Israel (we today) (Albert H. Baylis)”
The creation of humans Included a living space (the garden), The means to live (the fruit of the garden), The occupational work (cultivate and preserve), Community (man and woman)
This must be mans standard issue to establish a union and if anyone is not ready he must never venture to enter into any marriage.
After all this there was the grand wedding ceremony officiated by God with the heavenly choir in attendance singing joyous songs like:
Love divine all loves excelling
Joy of heaven to earth come down
Fix in us thy humble dwelling
All thy faithful mercies crown
Jesu: Thu art all compassion
Pure unbounded love thou art
Visit us with thy salvation
Enter every trembling heart
Finish then Thy new creation
Pure and stopless let us be
Let us see thy great salvation
Perfectly restored in thee
Changed from glory to glory
Till in heaven we take our place
Till we canst our crowns before thee
Lost in wonder love and praise.
The relationship which is birth in an Ideal marriage has major points which are:Relationship with God
Everything created on the earth was brought forth by God and if any one thinks his strength, knowledge, and wealth will carry him or her for even two years in marriage the he has made the biggest mistake ever anyone can do. Here also I speak not of legalism as some may think that for my marriage to work I must read the bible, read marriage books and live by he principles spells out here hither, very soon failure will bring so show it head, after following all this your husband or wife still seems unchanged. Even thought bible reading, spiritual retreats are all powerful tools to enhance your marriage when our effort is driven by our own human intellect through these activities then we are bound to fall.
The right approach is a 100% God through Christ as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 NIV 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: the relationship any marriage can have is the one which Christ work of Grace has taken control and his redemptive power has brought it out of the chains of sin and darkness. A regenerated marriage is the one which God sovereign, his sovereignty brings order into the marriage. When I say 100% God, Christ and Grace I have not exclude worship and fellowship. We must also play out part with equal effort i.e. 100% that which Christ works in us. Play your role as the husband, plan your roll as the wife, stop looking at who did not and look upon who has done (Christ) one may ask what is man’s or woman’s role
The roles are spelt out simply in the words of John Henry Sammis hymn’s chorus:
Trust and obey, for there is no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey
Trust, placing our whole in God the author and finisher of our faith, through this we make Christ work in us prefect, therefore when problems come we stand strong upon Christ promise not waving to the left or the right. To Obey as the song goes trust and obey, when trust grows we now find it effortless to obey because we are assured of God’s deliverance from this situation, Yah, the problem may have lasted for years and the things are getting worse by the day, our obedience to God must shine through and not forbid him to enter. This my be a life long process it may have even taken the span of your whole marriage, the learning process is slow and effective the ideal image is insight please do not give up now.
Relationship of Order in Marriage
Married couples are not to live spontaneous lives only seeking what the moment will bring; a well planned life of the married couples will seek to establish a prioritized life for both physical and spiritual upbringing of ones offspring and self. During this period, especially the early parts of your marriage which is the transitional periods for both husband and wife you will become aware if the truth fact that now time is not been spent for yourself but more gets into your spouse and children so first on your priority list is God, like in the above if God loses the headship of the marriage disaster will rear its ugly head very soon.
How often do you talk to God in your marriage 1 Thessalonians 5:17 KJV says “Pray without ceasing.” The more you speak to God the less advice you receive from humans the more God shows you more about your spouse since he knows the inner thoughts of all human minds. The desire of every spouse must be to seek the word of God like babies desire for milk. Know that in the early stages of your marriage when you are nourished with the word of God “Kwashiorkor” will not factor the growth of Love in the marriage and when it has been affected it only God who holds the remedy. Personal devotions must be first even before family devotions because in personal time with God, will He teach you the secret fears and desires of your partner and transform you into the person who brings out the best in her or his home and partner. “Your quite time is a time you draw apart with God. It is a special time for you to talk over with him the events of the day, your growth in Him, your concerns and your blessings. A quiet time is not a time to prepare your sermons or Sunday School lesson. Neither is a time to browse through the church activities for the week or write to your pastor about the upcoming Women’s Fellowship meeting. It’s set aside to deepen relationships with God (Linda Dillow, Creative Counterpart, Nelson publish. 1977)”
Proverbs 12:4 NLT A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones. This saying of Solomon goes for both partners yes a worth husband is a crown, but we are have another kind a disgraceful, The Living Bible (TLB) translates it as “the other kind”. There are two kinds of partners the and which ever you may choose to be dependent on the amount of wisdom you apply in your relationship to your partner. When was the last time you spent time your partner or say I Love you to your wife, when was the last time you took her on a date like the time she was your beloved did some thing special for him or her to crown his or her efforts in the marriage, to the woman say when did he come home to meet you doing something which he did not expect, to the man when did you go out of your way to do something beautiful for here, remember the little thing do count in every relationship. Make your spouse know that he or she comes first in all things or is she the last person to know. Spend quality time; let him or her know that you are his number one supporter even when sometimes he may be wrong. As the saying goes a soft answer turns away wrath. Be the partner not the competitor.
Unity is the way in training children and building a home, the way we keep order in our marriage by bringing to our children words of knowledge and wisdom as in the words of God in Isaiah 28:9-10NKJV
” Whom will he teach knowledge?
And whom will he make to understand the message?
Those just weaned from milk?
Those just drawn from the breasts?
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept,
Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.”
Growth of children takes time and it takes the building up of knowledge in them which will show how successful the marriage will become, many a time when we find a wayward child it comes from the fact that the parents have not apply knowledge in the upbringing of them those sometimes our efforts seems like it not working but as it is said precept upon precept. Beware for with a child today may be the day you teach him a lesson which he will carry through his life. Little by little our children will be modeled into the image God as God modeled us to be.
Relationship to Character
In every marriage each partner brings a different kind character which you may not have encountered in your home, this is based on the environment which he was brought up from, kind of parents, siblings and culture, this will reveal to you all sorts of attitudes towards work about your spouse you may hate, some you love, though we have four main character traits i.e. sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic which one is your spouse. Counseling will suggest ways to handle each person and his character traits which I am not equipped to do, yet best thing you can look out for is a character which closely relates to Christ Love for the church as Paul says in Ephesians 5:21-31 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This characters will over any deficiency in our marriages I list them as it appears in the verses above: Submission Love Holiness (not ceremonial but through Christ)Unselfishness Supportive
These characters in a marriage will over come flaws in our character traits no matter how sanguine or phlegmatic he or she may be with this the ideal of a constructive marriage is evident.
Relationship to Sin
This entire arrangement stated above comes under satanic attack, “for we are not ignorant of his devices”. Four major schemes dose he use like in the wilderness with out Lord Jesus and in the garden with Adam and Eve:
Satan attempts to have us view God Standards as unreasonable.
Why should I submit to my husband? Why should I be faithful? He makes us look at the limitations of our situation and accuses God to us. Placing doubt on God’s goodness so we will not reflect upon his power and his sovereignty. The purpose is to make Him insignificant and His restriction unimportant so it will bring human rebellion so we will find his hands in our marriage.
We are like a traveler who walked for days seeking for water to drink, then when we get to an old water pump he pumped and pumped but no water came out from the pump. Then seeing a water bottle beside the pipe we pick it up and just at the moment he wanted to drink. There is an instruction on the bottle, “Please Don’t Drink This Water” thinking only of our thirst he did not heed to the instructions he drank all the water in the bottle. He was now satisfied, but there was a problem the pump is not the end of his journey and he had empty water bottles which he had used up during his journey in the dessert. Now after he had his fill he decided to sit for sometime and continue his journey. We now look at the bottle careful and find more instructions to his surprise it reads.Please don’t drink the water in this bottle.Take this bottle open the top of the pump.Pour all the water into the hole Now begin to pump and soon the water will come.Please water drinking please fill the bottle and leave it for the next traveler
What are going to do now?
Satan Question what God has said
When even we begin to question God’s works in our marriage and start seeing the success we have as the works of our hands then, we must be aware that we have opened a door for which sin will enter into our relationship. We will make way for unwanted paths or things in our marriage that will not bring the Lords purpose into our marriage. Sometimes we forget that it’s God who gives us the strength to attain these success and when we begin to fail in our humanistic works we begin to seek for help from demonic ways. So we question our husband’s faithfulness, we question our wives truthfulness. Wives are now putting Love potions in husbands food, husbands are walking with fear of their wives in their hearts. We now replace God with our own efforts and introduce the devils into the headship of our marriage.
We think we will not reap what we sow
When we put love into our marriages and our efforts which is based upon genuine reliance on God, we think we will not reap the fruits of out efforts, especially when years of hard work has been put into the marriage and the husband or the wife is not change, when the Love we expect his not returned, this makes us think that we have lost, and God is not looking unto our efforts so we decide to sow our efforts in other places but we realize that what ever we sow we will reap then to some it becomes too late to others they are ashamed of what they done and never return. Let’s remain patient in long suffering and the Lord will show himself in our marriages.
Women want more voice in marriage; men want more freedom in marriage. Some go the extent of seeking time out from marriage in other to explore and seek satisfaction from other avenues; men disregard their role to Love with a self-sacrificing urgency while women refuse to submit with disrespect. One thinks the other is demanding more than he or she deserves. We will go drinking water from cisterns in the public places saying stolen water is sweet. We want satisfactions which is delusional and has made our marriages look like the mirage of an oasis in the dessert, while we are the water thirsty travel who dose not reach this oasis and is nearing us death just to find out it’s more miles ahead. There is only one place of satisfaction and it in the Lord and any other thing is a waste of time.